Meditations from Antarctica, by Amina Kirby

Greetings Shambhalians!

Amina Kirby

Amina Kirby

I write this to you all from the bottom of the planet, Antarctica, where I’m currently working as a steward at McMurdo, the largest US base here set up through the National Science Foundation’s US Antarctic Program, to assist and support various science research that is being conducted.

Being a steward involves two jobs; I am both a dining attendant for the kitchen on base, as well as a janitor for the dorms, bars and recreational facilities. The base population varies from up to 1100 in the summer, and down to 150 in the winter. Currently, there are about 850 people on base, which will begin to decline as we approach the winter months ahead. It is currently summer here in the southern hemisphere- which in Antarctica, means that the sun will not set until the start of the winter season. Most folks here are working by contract, myself included, under independent contractors that the NSF operates through. The standard work week here is six days a week, nine hours a day- or 54 hours a week. The dorms are set up so that each person shares a room with one or two other folks.

IMG_1147McMurdo was formally operated entirely by the US military before its operations shifted to independent contractors. While it is no longer military run, the US Air Force still operates all flights into, out of and around Antarctica. I flew into Antarctica from Christchurch, New Zealand on a military plane called an LC-130. The seats on the plane, made of canvas and mesh, line the sides of the cabin and face inward, rather than pointing forward and being centered in the middle like a commercial plane. The insides of the plane, wires, pipes, vents, lights, are all plainly visible, and the engines are so loud that it is required for everyone to wear earplugs for the entire 8-hour flight. As the plane approaches Antarctica, it immediately becomes clear why sunglasses are very necessary for this environment; looking out of the window of the plane, everything is so blindingly white from the sun and the snow that it has actually been known to cause eye damage. This is additionally true due to the lack of ozone layer over Antarctica, allowing more UV radiation to pass through the atmosphere. The planes here land close to McMurdo on the nearby ice shelf; a massive sheet of frozen ocean water that spans as far as is visible to the eye. Antarctica, technically speaking, is a desert. It only gets an average of two inches of rainfall a year, and is one of the driest, harshest climates on the planet. Using moisturizer three or four times daily is often necessary to keep one’s skin from becoming leathery. While there are seals and various birds that survive here, there are no plants, no rich soil, no visible signs of non-human life. Across the ice shelf, there is the trans-Antarctic mountain range, as well Mt. Erebus, an active volcano closer to McMurdo. The temperatures since being here have ranged anywhere from eight to forty degrees fahrenheit, though feel far colder with the windchill. The USAP issues everyone extreme cold weather(or ECW for short) gear before flying from New Zealand, so one needn’t worry about bringing enough warm clothing. McMurdo is about 1,100 miles from the South Pole, where temperatures, even in the summer, float around -60 to -40 fahrenheit.

IMG_1156The culture here is a very strange and bizarre mix. We serve a variety of people; US Air Force folks flying into and out of base, scientists and grantees waiting to be transported to field camps to do research, firefighters working on base, middle-aged men with southern accents who work on a variety of machinery, vehicles and equipment, and other staff, employees, and my coworkers who work to support the basic living needs of the base, such as food, water, shelter, waste management, etc. Many people are here for anywhere between three to six month stints- working 54 hours a week, nearly every week. The pay is fairly low, though the program also covers all food, housing, and medical expenses during the stay on base. To be deemed physically qualified to even work here, everyone on base is required to go through an extensive medical and dental exam(all of which the program covers) to minimize the risk of any emergencies on base, as the medical facilities are limited.

IMG_1248One of the earliest explorers of Antarctica, Shackleton, once posted a wanted ad before one of his expeditions that read, “Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.” That ad is not far from the truth about what working in Antarctica is still like today. The pay is low, the climate is harsh, the work is extreme, and yet to go someplace like this and to be surviving, to be growing and learning from it, has been an opportunity to continue waking up to myself. For all the traveling I’ve done, this is the first time that I’ve thrown myself into the unknown quite to this extreme. In a way, I think that is what I was looking for in coming here- adventure. For the opportunity to explore the unknown regions, both inner and outer, further. For the opportunity to let go of comfort. There have been many points; as I think comes with the territory of exploring the edges of our comfort zones; where I have seriously questioned my sanity in what drove me to voluntarily come to such a place. At the same time, it has been an opportunity to further stretch my capacity to open up to all of what life has to offer us, to reaffirm and strengthen the resiliency to overcome challenges with love, acceptance, and compassion. Having a strong self-care practice has been vital to surviving here.

I have felt increasingly grateful for the community, friends, family and lovers who have shown me so much support over my time in Portland, through the many highs and the lows of my life. Something I deeply appreciate about traveling is not only discovering new places, but discovering more about the places I left in the perspective of someplace new. There is a Pema Chodron quote that has come to mind a number of times in being here that goes, “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.” I have felt so comfortable in Portland, so loved by so many people, and yet I’ve felt myself continually drift into depression. I kept asking myself why it was so hard to be happy when I had so much? How could I be so selfish to not be satisfied? Without knowing anything different for long enough, it starts to become hard to see what I’ve had to feel grateful for. That experiencing dark times provides us with the opportunity to open our hearts, to let go, to let in, and to embrace ourselves. The opportunity to see that even in the coldest, most barren places in this world where no life can seemingly exist, that there we can plant seeds of love. To be willing to die, over and over again, and be reborn. Like a phoenix from ashes. Like the sunrise and sunset. Like life and death, forever interwoven.

I don’t know where I’m headed or what is next, but I know that when I remember that I am here, when I remember to be present to my experience, when I remember to breathe, I know that I am alive. I know that I am okay. I know that I can face the unknown.

Abbey Pleviak

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One thought on “Meditations from Antarctica, by Amina Kirby

  1. Amina, I loved reading of your adventure, and your insightful approach to it. Brave girl that you are–you inspire me. I hope your wanderings will bring you back to Portland again sometime. Carol Lieberman

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