Questioning ourselves and Shambhala’s new Code of Conduct

Years ago, my efforts to reflect on and create a kind of mirror for the Portland Shambhala Community involved a lot of obviously uplifting stories such as a Harvest of Peace report or notes from a Drala Hike leadership retreat.  Even when the topics were more somber, like Practicing while incarcerated, Sukhavati for Ron Tomas, or Aging in Shambhala, the subject of a blog post seemed focused and more concrete: the Shambhala Dharma expressing itself in society.  It was as if our community’s attention was from a Dharma view to participation in society:

For the past 3 years things have seemed more challenging because our Society is examining the Dharma.  We are engaged in a great deal of self-reflection on a social level that leads back to questions about the Shambhala Dharma.  Of course many people have left our community because of their sense that the Dharma and our social behaviors are not synchronized or integrated enough.

I have always found it useful to stick around in Shambhala.  I see our community as engaging in debate and inquiry about our society in a way that can lead back to holding and supporting the Shambhala Dharma more fully in the future.  This debate and inquiry is neither easy to do nor easy to report on.

One recent working session focused on Shambhala’s new Code of Conduct. The purpose of that meeting was to shift the code of conduct from being an external document and body of work to something that is internal to our local Sangha and make it personal to us. To acclimate our community, to focus our attention to the ethics involved in being a community requires us to show up with transparency and respectfulness  as we debate some  hot topics, as we bring out divergent perspectives.  In other words there’s an ethical aspect of discussing ethics in our community.

To give a flavor of our discussions, here are some highlights:

• Why is ethics part of our path? and, Why is it important for our community?
  • It’s very easy for the question of ethics to become absolute – to say, “It’s so fundamental, there’s no question that it’s important.” Yet in reality and in practice, it’s always grey.  How much time do we spend on it?  How focus?
  • We should not assume that we all share the same definition of ethics. What is ethics? One answer to this is that it’s “Doing the right thing,” but “Doing the right thing” means different things in different contexts and with different people. Given that’s the case, is our effort to “do the right thing” enough? Maybe it is if you’re open to feedback. Clinging to the idea that you’ve “done the right thing” won’t be helpful in terms of hearing where the other person is at.
  • Let’s look at ethics in terms of the context of the path. We don’t have to be perfect.
  • “Doing the right thing” – can we do this when we don’t fully understand the other person? How can we be sure that we are perceiving where the other person is at? Maybe trying our best is enough. Ethics is a PATH, there is no external deity that is going to judge us.
  • Ethics and right view in the context of the 8-fold path – our actions have consequences. Our community has had a blurred vision of compassionate action and we have been called out on this. Are we paying attention to how our actions will play out, the consequences of our actions? Ultimately, the heart of the Code of Conduct springs from this 8-fold path. The code is just outlining this part of the 8-fold path in terms of what our community has to offer in the Shambhala world.
  • We need to draw our attention to this practice in the 8-fold path, and that is ultimately the source of this Code of Conduct. 
  • Telling the truth is hard to do, it’s elusive. We have our own biases which we might not see. We think we are telling the truth when really we might be expressing an opinion or preference, or projecting. I think the single biggest node for growth is how to give good feedback. It’s not easy to give feedback and it’s not easy to hear it.
  • We need to be in touch with ourselves in order to be able to deeply resonate with where someone else is at, whatever pain they’re feeling. It’s that kind of human connection that supplies us with an understanding of what to do next in terms of compassionate action.
  • Our job is to stay as present as possible, regardless of whether the other person is shut down.
• This Code of Conduct it’s being very transparent about what we won’t tolerate, these are our boundaries.This is so important to be very clear on these matters. We need transparency and clarity. In other organizations, hospitals, etc., they make this information very clear. We should post this publicly around our center.
• The view – what is our bodhisattva vow? What does compassion look like? How to help people experience their basic goodness. What are we protecting? Our minds, their minds, the teaching situation, a container within which for people to connect with their hearts and basic goodness. Let’s look at view and Shambhala – it’s about how we can become decent, compassionate, dignified human beings, and to create a society that nurtures each other.
• We need to be very clear about what is compassionate action. Due to not being clear, we have been called out. This is why the Code was created. In the past, some people thought that what we called ‘compassionate action’ was actually a boundary invasion. 
• What’s a boundary invasion? Examples: Inappropriate touching; feeling like someone is coming on to you. Regardless of whether or not it is invited, our decorum is not conducive to that. This kind of boundary invasion has happened within our local community. Other communities I’m part of are way better at this than we are. Other traditions have done a better job laying this out. We need to be able to turn to our Code of Conduct and say, no, we don’t tolerate that.
• Our code of conduct has two sides to it: Thinking about good conduct; and then thinking about misconduct.
  • Misconduct – see p. 4&5. (Boundary invasion necessarily falls under bad conduct).
  • The code talks about misconduct but it also delineates relationships that ARE appropriate. It’s very clear about different types of relationships, which is helpful.
• As leaders we are often called upon to assist when things or people are hurt, misinterpretations, different views about what should be happening, we are often called on to help untangle the situation which is an extremely difficult thing to do because very often we are not present when the situation occurred. Multiple situations that I’ve been aware of in the past 15ish years where two parties have butted heads about how they saw the situation, how they interpreted it, how they felt, and yet even with mediation and external support, one or both of the parties remained very upset, which resulted in one or both leaving the community. It’s a very helpless feeling to be involved in a situation when nothing can get worked out or resolved. It’s heartbreaking as well to see these same people say, “Oh, Shambhala doesn’t practice what they preach,” etc. – and we see this even in people who are practiced meditators. This is painful and difficult to know what to do about it.
• I think the new Code is okay as far as it goes. I have felt depressed about it overall from the beginning to now, but in terms of the document itself, the part that I really have trouble with is about the “Diversity and Inclusion” portion. This appears to be cut and pasted from some external ideology. I believe I’ve seen here at the Portland center evidence of problems that arise that are embodied there. I am disappointed to see it there but see it as a done deal since it’s been endorsed by Shambhala Global Services and the Board.
• I don’t think the code of conduct is a substitute for us being genuine. So we need to remember that part too.

It felt like a genuine conversation and everyone appreciated it.  We could truly dedicate the merit.

So, in conclusion, where there’s work and genuine conversation, there is merit and forward motion along the path.  Another recent working session involved a conversation about the experience of four people who participated in an Open Torii program this summer.  I have to say I was really impressed by the respect for each other and the sense of deep listening.  It was very uplifting – but I have no idea how to write about it or report on it.  You had to be there.